New Year’s Eve.

Today is the 1st of December. The jolliest month of the year has started and so has the nightmare of figuring out with whom and how to spend these days. Christmas is usually quite easy, you hop from friends to family to friends, eat too much, watch All you need is Love and eventually pass…

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Insecurities. or. Who am I?

Lately I have been quite insecure about a few too many things. Mainly about the way I look, the way I act and how my anxiety, mom-hood and ageing have changed me. I am wondering, how much of the me I used to be, is actually left now? I think the insecurity started once I…

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Mama Day.

Yes, he is the best thing that ever happened to me. Yes, I love him more than I have ever loved anything or anyone else. But for fuck sake this child rearing business is not as easy as people make it out to be. I think I must have been spared the terrible two’s since…

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Meds day 179. Memories..

I have been popping pills for 179 days. Make no mistake, before that I also used an extraordinary amount of Oxazepam (tranquillisers). It is probably about more than a year ago that I did not need, or at least, take any pills. But since I started taking Citalopram I have had exactly 179 in varying…

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When the floodgates open.

I have always wanted to be a pretty crier. Since I do so much of it, that only seems fair. One of those girls who can casually let tears roll down their alabaster skin, no redness, weird mouth action or just plain face meltdown. All waterproof all the time. Unfortunately, I am not that, I…

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Exposus Maximus.

Without any prompting from my therapist I decided last weekend to be uber-brave and go see a show in Utrecht. My friends are in the country and since I have avoided going to see them play for quite some time I thought I should just go for it. Anxiety be damned! I had the whole…

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