I think I have mentioned my love for alcohol before, or my fond memories of drinking all night long. I also happen to love functioning alcoholics. I think most of my friends fall in that category if you take that seven (was it seven?) intakes a week thing seriously. Until very recently I was happily in their ranks. But for the last three months, while all my alcoholic friends kept on functioning, I stopped and did not have a single drink. Until yesterday.
The reason why I did not have a drink for so long is that my anxiety started to take on gigantic proportions and every time I would drink it would get worse. Also, when switching medication, it is recommended to not drink for a while. Please note here that I have not found any doctors, therapists or psychiatrists who are on the same page about the combined use of alcohol and anti-depressants. It varies from: “hell no, do not drink a drop” to: “you might feel tipsy a bit quicker, but drink whatever you like.” Confusion is always great for an anxiety ridden person. All I can say at this point is, do NOT Google questions about anti-depressants and alcohol because you will be hyperventilating before you have even hit enter.
Yesterday was the annual BBQ at my work. Now this may sound like quite a lame affair but trust me, it is not. We work with about 50 people who are of 23 nationalities. We are allowed to bring friends and family to this BBQ and they usually end up being quite raucous affairs. Last year my friend ended up dancing with the security guard that was meant to close the party down and one of my colleagues told me what she really thinks of me, unfortunately it was not positive, but provided food for a year’s worth of gossip. Anyway, I decided that this shindig would be the perfect opportunity to get my feet wet.
It is ridiculous how nervous I can get from an evening out. The BBQ started at 17:00 and me and the Kid were ready at 15:00. On the way there I had butterflies in my belly and when I arrived, quite out of breath, I for some reason ordered an orange juice with ice, no idea why and pretty gross. After my friends arrived I took the plunge and ordered a Rosé with Ice. The drink I had been yearning for the past three months, but didn’t dare to have. It took me an hour to drink, but I loved it. There really is nothing like a Rosé with Ice in the summer. I even had the obligatory accompanying cigarette, which is nothing to brag about, but loved it too!
At 20:30 I was back at home on the couch and actually ridiculously proud of myself. Yes, it was early but I had gone “out” successfully without succumbing to complete panic or feeling like I had alcohol poisoning or that the one cigarette I had was going to kill me. Just calm and quite happy. On to the next outing!