Almost a year ago I posted my first Blog. The idea to start writing again actually came from my sisters who thought that having an outlet for all my insanity might be good for me.
In the beginning I hesitated of course, I mean, I am probably the trillionth mom to start a blog about #momlife but as my sisters said, what the hell does that matter, plus you are a mom with that extra topping of anxiety. What could be more fun for other people to read about! So, since in the end I always listen to them (not) I gave it a whirl and started my MamaDrama adventure.
Now one year in I can do some reflecting. Do not worry I will not rehash the 30 something posts I have written. I know I can drone on but will spare you that.
First, what the hell. I read some posts back. Not all. Too much. Anyway, I seem to have had quite a tumultuous year while actually doing almost nothing. I am in awe at the amount of havoc I go through from the couch. Would you believe I didn’t even write all of it down? Well, I didn’t. Lucky you.
Yes, I know I just wrote that I am in awe with myself. Trust me, I do not think I am fantastic, really. What I mean is that I am in awe of Life, with a capital letter and the drama and ridiculousness that it brings wether you are looking for it or not.
Reading back it seems as if I didn’t get much better but I think I did. Last year around this time I could literally (yes literally) not get off the couch. I was so frozen I had a hard time getting to the kitchen counter without feeling like I was toppling over. Now, I can get to that kitchen no problem, most of the time. The Pills must be doing something.
The crazy thoughts in my head are still there and maybe they will never go away but I lead 3 quarters of a life now instead of no life. Lately, I have been wondering why I cannot just settle for that? Why is it not enough for me to just live like this? Loads of people go from work to day-care to the couch and so on. For me however, this is not enough.
I want more excitement then that, more stories to tell, more meetings with new people, more travel and peanut butter. Maybe even take some vitamin D occasionally. Anyway, my character does not allow me to just be content with where I am at right now. Unfortunately.
So, the journey continues and so will this Blog. Maybe I will take a deep dive into my New Year’s Intentions soon and see what has come of those. Might be pretty disappointing.
Totally drifted off there. What I wanted to reflect upon (bore some people with) is what the writing has brought me. A lot. Although some posts were so hard to write that I started hyper ventilating while writing them, it worked very cathartic.
Also, the reactions I got and get are pretty amazing. Somehow people from around the world with the same issues found my blog and actually read it. This has led to some great conversations with others and it is nice to know that there are muddled brains like mine out there. I made some great panic buddies.
Some of the people that I know read MamaDrama as well which is quite nerve-racking but also makes me grateful that they are keeping up with me and are interested enough to do so.
They do sometimes apologise for laughing at my stories. Which is absolutely not necessary because this stuff is laughable and I laugh at myself all the time, after the fact of course.
As it turns out starting to write was a very good idea and although sometimes it feels like I am naked and quite exposed throwing all this stuff out there, the shame (yes I used to have some) is gone now.
That is what I wish for others too, since in the end everyone gets fucked over by their mind at some stage in their lives. Nothing to be embarrassed about, just something to deal with.
So, thanks for reading my Life and sharing your own. It is greatly appreciated!
Onwards and Upwards!