I am gonna jump straight into those next steps I was talking about in my last post. Because these doctors did not give me much time to breathe and accept the whole newness of the OCD diagnosis. Nope, they went into action mode.

First, I got a 10-minute call to tell me that before starting therapy I would have to up my medication (citalopram) to 60mg. Tripling what I take now! Optimisation is what they call it. If that does not work we will also do therapy but apparently, some people are fine just bobbing through life on 60mg of SSRI so I might not need it.

Then, I had an actual face to face appointment with the psychiatrist that would guide me through the hazards of the tripling. And hazardous it is, first side effect: writers block. I have been staring at this sentence for about two days now.

So, enough of that. During above mentioned appointment I got told the following: “Start taking 40 mg tomorrow and then after a week go to 60mg.” My immediate thought was.. no fucking way! I mean, why? Seriously, fuck off!

If you find above reaction over the top read This Post for some insight in my previous medication drama. 

What actually came out was something along the lines of “ehm any chance we can go slower?” To which the guy (should I call him doctor?) pretty reasonably said “Why wait? Basically, you’re gonna feel like shit for a while anyway, better get it over with quickly.” He was right of course.

However, the next day when I was staring into the medicine box, yes, I’ve got a medicine box, it is pink, I took 30mg instead of the agreed to 40. Because I am stubborn/scared like that. It took me a week longer to get to 40mg and that is where I am at now two weeks later.

I have to be honest here and say that even though I have sweat attacks am intensely tired have tinnitus and some weird blurry vision things going on, it is actually easier than I thought. Still pretty freaky on a daily basis but so far doable. According to my doctor guy all those things are super normal (seriously) and so far, so good.

I saw him yesterday again and I must say that he knows how to deal with me. When I told him I was taking it slow he said “fine but is that common sense, or fear driven?”. Super annoying but super right. When I asked him if I could not just try on 40mg he told me “sure you can, then in 12 weeks if it doesn’t work, you will have to go up to 60 anyway”. I hate that guy!

Yesterday I got an ECG in the hospital as well because with the amount of Citalopram I am taking there is this teeny tiny risk that it messes with my heart rhythm. Yay, that is exactly what we anxiety dorks need.

Until I get the results I am not allowed to go to 60mg. Which seems like a win but waiting for results does my head no good either.

Aargh! I know! How annoying am I?! No winning with me really, is there? Sorry guys, it frustrates the hell out of me too. I’ll just go to bed now and try to sleep through the tinnitus and the sweats.

Thanks for baring with me, who knows maybe in about a year I’ll be normal! Man, how boring would that be. See, no winning here. Byeee!