Alcohol has been on my mind a lot for the last year or more. It might even be about a year ago that I had my last drink. Funnily enough (super funny right..), I didn’t even choose not to. Out of the blue I was just too scared of the effects of alcohol to take a single sip. Believe me, in my case that means there is no choice.

So, when my therapist, mostly known as the Guy that makes me take loads of pills, told me I should not drink for the duration you would think I would be happy. At least now I have a legitimate reason not to drink.

Unfortunately, that is not how my mind works, I got pretty rebellious. Never tell me not to do something.. Plus, this means another sober year. If I am unlucky.

Why I need a legitimate reason to stay dry you ask? Seriously do you have any idea how awkward it is to not drink? No? Well, let me tell you!

Sitting on a terrace with friends or colleagues and ordering a soda. First remark: “hey Maartje, you pregnant??” every time! So, I say that I am not. Second remark: “Antibiotics?” and I have to disappoint them again.

Because not drinking without a valid reason is just not done. A reason must be given. Especially when you are me. So, while people are still staring from me to my soda I mumble something about medication. Which does not really help matters but stops that conversation.

Of course, my friends are long used to this so they do not ask questions like that but still it almost feels like I am disappointing people with my non-drinking habits. It is understandable though, bars are where you could find me. After work, every day have a drink and a chat.

Alcohol is such a massive part of social life, at least for me, that it’s like reinventing how to go out. I mean, go on a date sober? My tactic used to be: Arrive 20 minutes early and slam some beers. Not ready for that anyway but still.. sober I might not be ready till I am 65.

Going out in general is a challenge, people who drink really like it when you drink as well. Join in and all of that. I am, or was, exactly the same to be honest. The more I think about it the surer I become I definitely have some, or a lot, of traits and tendencies of the old alcoholic.

How fucked up is that, an alcoholic that is scared to drink. Or, am I saved by my fear (note of sarcasm here)..

Anyway, reinventing going out. Alcohol free. Tips, tricks and sharp responses to the questioner’s welcome!