Self-Pity is a persistent Bitch.

If there is something I find almost appalling in others, it is self-pity and nagging. I always see myself as the “come on, lets solve this problem” kind of person (basically I am a man). Wallowing is something I hate.. in others of course.

Because, I myself must admit that in the past and especially in the last weeks I have been overcome by waves of self-pity and wallowed around in my own misery quite a bit. Lovely ain’t it.

Seems that it is harder to recognise wallowing in myself than in others. With others I get very impatient with inaction. If you can do something about it then just do it, is my reaction. Don’t just talk in endless loops, just fucking get on with it. I know, not very nice is it?! I have become better at hiding this side of me.. I hope.

Anyway, back to me, yes me. Seems like I have been wallowing a bit as well. As my just as impatient sister, told me kindly. Unfortunately she is right.

Maybe it’s because of my intense, gloomy psychiatrist who bi-weekly tells me that OCD is very hard to beat. The increase of Citalopram to 60mg that seems to give me panic attacks, sleepless nights and makes me jitter but makes the OCD slightly better. The fact that I cannot have alcohol or that going out nighttime is a massive issue…not even mentioning the peanut butter dilemma..

See, Boo Fucking Hoo! I am a Master Wallower.

It is just so damn hard to not pity myself sometimes, I have Life FOMO (translation for you oldies out there: Fear Of Missing Out) or something. It just creeps up on me when I am not in my tough spot. Just as it does to everyone I am sure.

So, I will get out of my wallow since it has no use, is entirely unattractive and very unproductive. Actually, compared to a year ago (I know an entire damn year but being positive here ok) I am doing swell!

Now I just hope my friends will still talk to me since I just basically shut every Life, Boy, Health, Kids and Work talk down. Sorry! Actually I do not like overly positive people either, so let’s keep healthy complaining a thing! I love to listen to you all!

Until next time, keep your head up!