You know that Rain-Shine feeling? Where one minute you’re prancing around happily like a Unicorned My Little Pony and the next you want to crawl under the covers and cry or scream, or both.. A bit like the weather in Amsterdam right now.

Now I am not the most stable person at the best of times but right now with these meds at 60mg and my brain trying to adjust, unstable does not do me justice. Volatile is the word for me. Volatile and sort of Nutty Professor like. Saying some dumb shit.

Like the “Unicorned My Little Pony”.. I mean, where did that come from? Pretty gross. Stream of consciousness is a dangerous writing style for me at the moment. Sorry!

One day I am up and the next I am down. Which is annoying for me but imagine the people around me. They are the unwilling victims of a tornado and just happened to be standing a bit too close for comfort.

Usually this is hormone induced crazy but right now I am actually thinking the 60 mg is not working the way it should. I seem numb enough, OCD wise. I might even have some peanut butter in about two months. But, and this is quite a BUT, my anxiety is pretty high.

I know.. that is the same thing right? That is what I thought but my kindly therapist told me differently. Apparently when you have two disorders (I know) like me. Anxiety and OCD. This amount of medication might work for one but could make the other worse.

Good news right? Love it, I really do. Don’t you? Nah, me neither.

This, I heard three weeks ago and I am still on 60mg, since 12 weeks is when you really know what’s up. So, the past weeks I have been Hoping.. Praying (to the God of the Mentally Ill!?) that the Citalopram would start working the way it should.

Alas, I fear not, I am just upping and downing a bit more and find it quite hard to get to the right word when I speak, not when I write obviously, which is not a good sign.

Next Friday I will get the new plan. It will probably involve some more medication tampering. My favorite pastime. I am actually considering just going cold turkey and becoming a full time alcoholic.

Hope you guys are enjoying this ride as much as I am! I know my Rain. Shine Life seems to involve loads of disorder stuff but I am sure you all have your Rain.Shine moments. Or not, and I am just absolutely ridiculous on my own. Which is fine too.

Thanks for reading patiently while this process drags on.. X