It’s been a long time. Mm I wonder how many songs actually start with that line? Anyway, I have been suffering from massive moving across country writers block and therefore it.. has been a long time. But here I am, back again, having a rusty restart.
I have started writing this post on the 10th of January when Corona was still a distant murmur. I could leave it and go into how this Corona stuff is messing with my OCD which would be mildly entertaining, but I won’t for now.
Nope, I’ll finish this post about my two days on Tinder. Which were strange, pretty confronting and downright disappointing.
How did I end up on Tinder in the first place? I don’t really know, let’s call it an experiment. To see what’s out there, what all the fuss is about and if someone, anyone, would tickle me fancy… Muh gross…
First dilemma I faced when accessing the app was choosing the pictures. I mean… how? What to do? Choose the ones from three years ago where I look very good and am actually out? Or just be brutally honest and show myself in the state I spend most days in? Will men swipe right after they have seen me? The real me?
Probably not. Pictures from three years ago. Fuck, it is not like I was going on a date anyway.
Second dilemma. The text. What catchy line would I use? “Mildly neurotic single mom with more than a touch of OCD and tendency to exaggerate”? “Single and not quite ready to mingle”? This whole thing was leading to some pretty existential, Who am I and Why am I, questions.
The decision to have no text was made. My pictures from three years ago could easily do all the talking.
So, there I was, on Tinder. The swiping commenced and went wrong from the start. Do you know how completely impossible it is to judge someone on the basis of a picture and some lines? It is not doable! Oh, wait it is, in some cases it is very easy but only in the cases where it is a left swipe.
Also, how many guys took up kite surfing in the last years? It is insane. It is like all guys just do all the outdoor sports all the time. I must have been sleeping for a decade in which everybody just became either incredibly sporty or became the owner of a very sporty car.
Safe to say me and Tinder got off to a rocky start. However, I persevered and ended up swiping right on some guys. Nobody who knows me will be surprised none of them were Dutch, not that that matters.. just saying.
Lo and behold I got some matches! I thought that I would get some great messages now but could not have been more wrong. The number of guys that just send “Hey” is embarrassing… I mean… Hey?? Do I have to respond to Hey? With another Hey? This could be endless. I discarded the Hey’s.
I was left with two Guys that I had mildly entertaining conversations with, mostly about work. Yay. Until. Drumroll… both of them found this blog.
The conversations after that went in two directions. One Guy got all “Oh my God this must be horrible for you” after which he disappeared. The other one was so interested in OCD it was creepy so I disappeared, or ghosted him.. I think that is the correct term.
Later that day when I was innocently swiping and ended up staring into the eye of a stranger’s dick, I gave up.
Tinder is not my thing. Because of the above but also because swiping left based on a picture and some text makes me pretty sad. It does not mean a thing, has no substance. I prefer going by how someone’s presence makes me feel. Which means I do not stand a chance in the new 1.5 meter society.
Ah well! There’s always 2021