Here I am again, another evening, another try to write something mildly entertaining. Best be prepared for a muddled ride because what I am starting to realise is that I do not know what, or how I feel at the moment about anything which is very rare for me. I am a dramatic beast but always in touch with my feelings. Right now, I’ve got them, the Feels, but man they are hard to put into words.

With that off my chest let’s get into this move I made from City to Country because after quite a smooth transition I woke up a few weeks ago in my cosy new bedroom in the countryside and all of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks: I no longer live in the city I love. I moved here and there is no turning back. This is my life now! What have I done?

I know.. pretty dramatic start to the day. Aren’t you happy not to wake up with me on the regular..?

So, how the fuck did I even get here? Well..

For a couple of years, I have been thinking and talking about moving back to the place I grew up in. It’s a beautiful medieval town that seemed way more relaxed to me for raising a kid than Amsterdam with its constant hustle and bustle. I mean I grew up there and I turned out only mildly mental so what’s not to love.

When my ex was still my boyfriend I would regale him with stories of my youth trying to sell the place driving him mildly insane in the process.. maybe driving everybody a bit insane, probably.

Long story short, when some boring stuff with money came up and Amsterdam seemed totally unaffordable I, instead of giving it some time and weighing my options just put a bid in on a fixer upper in the Countryside and moved. This is how I operate most of the time by the way, I am a doer (yes this is an actual word) great in the workplace, a bit extreme in Life. Only starting to think the moment I am already staring into the headlights.

So, here I am, on my pink couch in my beautiful home in the Countryside swatting at flies. Seriously soo many flies! Nothing against the occasional fly but this is insanity. I forgot about those while daydreaming about having a garden on my balcony in Amsterdam.

I forgot about a lot of stuff actually. Like the fact that there is no hiding here. When you walk (yes walk) into town you will be seen. The fact that there are no playgrounds with convenient coffee places around the corner. The fact that 80% of the population seems to be 60 and over. The fact that when there is a band playing chances are it is Jovink en de Voederbietels. The fact that most of the people walking around (and now i’m gonna sound like a real bitch) just do not grab my attention. But mostly the fact that in my 24 years out of this place I might have become a city person.

I am skipping over all the positives which are there in spades too, like my surroundings, it seriously feels like I am on vacation all the time. The people who are so much friendlier and more patient than in Amsterdam. I mean.. no annoyed sighs when I am fumbling with my debet card at the ATM, such a relief.

Still, my heart aches for Amsterdam.  Am I conveniently forgetting about all the negatives there? Could be. I am about ready to jump the country ship and move back though. Which again might be a tad bit on the extreme side. Sitting and waiting is just not in my character unfortunately.

Aargh as said, I’ve got all the Feels and no idea how to deal.

What would you do?