On being 38 and turning 39.

This week I am turning 39. Yes, It’s my Birthday this Friday. As a proper grown up I am supposed to scoff at that and think it unimportant. But hey! I am not a proper grown up. Birthdays always give me the feeling of starting anew, or at the least with a slightly less mucky…

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Therapy part 4: That Mental Health Institution Shuffle.

A few posts ago I wrote about gettin’ the boot from my therapist and being referred to “specialist care”. I know, I also thought I was in specialist care already, but apparently not. Anyway, the 84-day waiting list and then some has come to an end and I finally got the call! The call that…

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So many Epiphanies, so little Change.

The other day me and B. were braving strong gales in order to have a coffee in the sunshine. B. is probably my most “out there” friend who struggles through life by my side and has the uncanny ability to throw truths in my face when I am least ready to receive them. Pretty good…

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One Year in. The mushy mushy look back Blog.

Almost a year ago I posted my first Blog. The idea to start writing again actually came from my sisters who thought that having an outlet for all my insanity might be good for me. In the beginning I hesitated of course, I mean, I am probably the trillionth mom to start a blog about…

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That Spring Mood-Swing..

For some reason this is the hardest Blog I wrote for a long time. Not because it is a particularly difficult topic for me, or a very dramatic one but because I find it extremely hard to explain what happens to my muddled Self during Spring. Last year around this time I started this Blog…

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Long time no Blog, or, Meh!

Today my sister asked me if I was still writing and I had to admit that I did not know what to write. Not because nothing happened, I mean, you know, I lead a happening Life! No, because I have no progress or regression to report. Just ongoing Meh… So, apologies in advance, this Blog…

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Therapy Part 3. Gettin’ the Boot!

Warning up top: This Blog has become more negative then intended. Plus seriously, how often can the subject of Peanut Butter come up.. Apologies in advance.  It happened, I wore out my Therapist! Or at least, she cannot help me anymore is what I am told. It is a strange story that is quite common…

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Food Phobia’s

The mind is insane sometimes. I cannot speak for others, but my mind can make its own truths. Even when I know something did not happen or is not going to happen, my mind somehow does not accept that. It seems to run on two tracks. Track one: “nothing is wrong with that plate of…

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The call of the Womb.

In the spirit of Christmas and Mary’s immaculate conception I thought I would spend some time writing about this magical womb of ours (ladies) and the hormones that seem to rule our lives. Yes Guys, you can stop reading now. Although, you never know, you might learn something. Plus, to be honest, our hormones rule…

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Meds day 179. Memories..

I have been popping pills for 179 days. Make no mistake, before that I also used an extraordinary amount of Oxazepam (tranquillisers). It is probably about more than a year ago that I did not need, or at least, take any pills. But since I started taking Citalopram I have had exactly 179 in varying…

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Exposus Maximus.

Without any prompting from my therapist I decided last weekend to be uber-brave and go see a show in Utrecht. My friends are in the country and since I have avoided going to see them play for quite some time I thought I should just go for it. Anxiety be damned! I had the whole…

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Therapy Part 2, the Drinking challenge.

You know that moment your therapist tells you to start drinking every day? No? Me neither, because it is insane! Until it happened to me and I followed orders. Sort of. First of all, I’ve got a “new” therapist. The “old” one was pregnant and had to go on leave, so me and all my…

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The Vacation, or, the Insect bite that caused the house of cards to collapse.

And then it got silent for a while. Quite a long while. My excuses are a few disappointing happenings. Here I was, going through life thinking, hey I’m doing so much better, these anti-depressants are working. Ok, I still freak out over some weird stuff but I have it under control. Sort of…  Full swagger…

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The Kid’s Birthday and the Aftermath.

They tell you a lot of things when you are pregnant. How breastfeeding is the best way to feed the baby, forgetting to tell you how incredibly painful it can be. How this is the most beautiful time of your life, while your relationship is slowly dying and you sit there, patiently listening, with bra…

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Therapy for the Anxious. 1.

Inevitably everyone who suffers from an anxiety disorder will end up in therapy at some stage, so it will come as no surprise that I had my fair share of couch time. Except for never really being offered a couch to lay down on, I have been through it all. The endless digging into my…

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