Food Phobia’s

The mind is insane sometimes. I cannot speak for others, but my mind can make its own truths. Even when I know something did not happen or is not going to happen, my mind somehow does not accept that. It seems to run on two tracks. Track one: “nothing is wrong with that plate of…

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The call of the Womb.

In the spirit of Christmas and Mary’s immaculate conception I thought I would spend some time writing about this magical womb of ours (ladies) and the hormones that seem to rule our lives. Yes Guys, you can stop reading now. Although, you never know, you might learn something. Plus, to be honest, our hormones rule…

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Meds day 179. Memories..

I have been popping pills for 179 days. Make no mistake, before that I also used an extraordinary amount of Oxazepam (tranquillisers). It is probably about more than a year ago that I did not need, or at least, take any pills. But since I started taking Citalopram I have had exactly 179 in varying…

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Exposus Maximus.

Without any prompting from my therapist I decided last weekend to be uber-brave and go see a show in Utrecht. My friends are in the country and since I have avoided going to see them play for quite some time I thought I should just go for it. Anxiety be damned! I had the whole…

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Therapy Part 2, the Drinking challenge.

You know that moment your therapist tells you to start drinking every day? No? Me neither, because it is insane! Until it happened to me and I followed orders. Sort of. First of all, I’ve got a “new” therapist. The “old” one was pregnant and had to go on leave, so me and all my…

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The Vacation, or, the Insect bite that caused the house of cards to collapse.

And then it got silent for a while. Quite a long while. My excuses are a few disappointing happenings. Here I was, going through life thinking, hey I’m doing so much better, these anti-depressants are working. Ok, I still freak out over some weird stuff but I have it under control. Sort of…  Full swagger…

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The Kid’s Birthday and the Aftermath.

They tell you a lot of things when you are pregnant. How breastfeeding is the best way to feed the baby, forgetting to tell you how incredibly painful it can be. How this is the most beautiful time of your life, while your relationship is slowly dying and you sit there, patiently listening, with bra…

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Therapy for the Anxious. 1.

Inevitably everyone who suffers from an anxiety disorder will end up in therapy at some stage, so it will come as no surprise that I had my fair share of couch time. Except for never really being offered a couch to lay down on, I have been through it all. The endless digging into my…

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On the Joys of being my Friend

It is not easy to be the friend or partner of someone with an anxiety disorder. Relationships are hard at the best of times but if you are my friend or partner, chances are things get a bit crazy when I am at my best, and quite frustrating when I am at my worst. It…

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Bit of a Rant.

Anxiety can be super embarrassing, like two years ago when I had my first anxiety attack in seven years at work of all places. I was in a meeting that I ran out of because I thought I was going to die and didn’t want to do it in front of everyone (seems to be…

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