a Milli a Milli a Milli a Milligram or 60..

I am gonna jump straight into those next steps I was talking about in my last post. Because these doctors did not give me much time to breathe and accept the whole newness of the OCD diagnosis. Nope, they went into action mode. First, I got a 10-minute call to tell me that before starting…

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The Diagnosis

After a long pause during which I kept telling people I am super busy. Which is true but I can’t stand people who constantly say how busy they are. Anyway, after this “busy period” I think it is time for an update on the state I am in. Remember that 6-month long waiting-list I was…

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Anxiety and the City.

I did not grow up in a City but by now I have been living in Cities for more years then I spent in the countryside. 20 years to be exact, oh yes, I’m old!  Now, I can’t help but wonder: How healthy it is for people like me, to live in the City? Amsterdam…

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On being 38 and turning 39.

This week I am turning 39. Yes, It’s my Birthday this Friday. As a proper grown up I am supposed to scoff at that and think it unimportant. But hey! I am not a proper grown up. Birthdays always give me the feeling of starting anew, or at the least with a slightly less mucky…

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Therapy part 4: That Mental Health Institution Shuffle.

A few posts ago I wrote about gettin’ the boot from my therapist and being referred to “specialist care”. I know, I also thought I was in specialist care already, but apparently not. Anyway, the 84-day waiting list and then some has come to an end and I finally got the call! The call that…

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So many Epiphanies, so little Change.

The other day me and B. were braving strong gales in order to have a coffee in the sunshine. B. is probably my most “out there” friend who struggles through life by my side and has the uncanny ability to throw truths in my face when I am least ready to receive them. Pretty good…

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One Year in. The mushy mushy look back Blog.

Almost a year ago I posted my first Blog. The idea to start writing again actually came from my sisters who thought that having an outlet for all my insanity might be good for me. In the beginning I hesitated of course, I mean, I am probably the trillionth mom to start a blog about…

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That Spring Mood-Swing..

For some reason this is the hardest Blog I wrote for a long time. Not because it is a particularly difficult topic for me, or a very dramatic one but because I find it extremely hard to explain what happens to my muddled Self during Spring. Last year around this time I started this Blog…

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Long time no Blog, or, Meh!

Today my sister asked me if I was still writing and I had to admit that I did not know what to write. Not because nothing happened, I mean, you know, I lead a happening Life! No, because I have no progress or regression to report. Just ongoing Meh… So, apologies in advance, this Blog…

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Therapy Part 3. Gettin’ the Boot!

Warning up top: This Blog has become more negative then intended. Plus seriously, how often can the subject of Peanut Butter come up.. Apologies in advance.  It happened, I wore out my Therapist! Or at least, she cannot help me anymore is what I am told. It is a strange story that is quite common…

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Food Phobia’s

The mind is insane sometimes. I cannot speak for others, but my mind can make its own truths. Even when I know something did not happen or is not going to happen, my mind somehow does not accept that. It seems to run on two tracks. Track one: “nothing is wrong with that plate of…

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The call of the Womb.

In the spirit of Christmas and Mary’s immaculate conception I thought I would spend some time writing about this magical womb of ours (ladies) and the hormones that seem to rule our lives. Yes Guys, you can stop reading now. Although, you never know, you might learn something. Plus, to be honest, our hormones rule…

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Meds day 179. Memories..

I have been popping pills for 179 days. Make no mistake, before that I also used an extraordinary amount of Oxazepam (tranquillisers). It is probably about more than a year ago that I did not need, or at least, take any pills. But since I started taking Citalopram I have had exactly 179 in varying…

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Exposus Maximus.

Without any prompting from my therapist I decided last weekend to be uber-brave and go see a show in Utrecht. My friends are in the country and since I have avoided going to see them play for quite some time I thought I should just go for it. Anxiety be damned! I had the whole…

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Therapy Part 2, the Drinking challenge.

You know that moment your therapist tells you to start drinking every day? No? Me neither, because it is insane! Until it happened to me and I followed orders. Sort of. First of all, I’ve got a “new” therapist. The “old” one was pregnant and had to go on leave, so me and all my…

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